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You are here: Home / Archives for Habits

Habits

The Nine-Star Inn… or… there is more than one way to…

By Diana Gardner Robinson 4 Comments

A comment on Facebook, questioning a grammatically oriented play on words, reminded me of an old story that I have not seen re-told in a long time. So, since I believe it to be too old a legend to be copyrighted anywhere, I will re-tell it. There is a moral to the story – actually, there are probably several, should you choose to ponder.

Once there was a wise old man walking, as wise old men in stories do, from one city to another, far distant city. Although many traveled this way, some on horseback, some, like him, on foot, his journey took him through an isolated, mountainous area, and he was much relieved to find, upon turning a corner, that he was approaching an inn. He glanced at the sign, and saw that it was named The Nine Stars, with the sign being decorated with, indeed, nine stars. He entered, eager for some lunch… and perhaps something liquid to accompany it… and was surprised to find that, apart from the inn-keeper, it was empty.

He was served an excellent lunch, and some excellent liquids, and, since the inn-keeper did not seem busy the old man asked him to sit down with him.

“How is it,” he asked the inn-keeper, “that you serve such excellent food, your inn is spotless and very comfortable, and you seem to be the only inn around – yet I am your only customer?”

As they sat together he heard a tale of woe, of travelers passing by without stopping, eager to push on despite the distance to their distinations, of difficulty paying the bills, of concern that, despite his excellent service, the inn-keeper might soon go out of business.

“If only they would stop just once,” the inn-keeper lamented. “Once they see how well-kept my inn is, and they taste my cooking, I know they would come back! But they never stop.”

The two men talked a while, and then the old man rose to his feet, paid the bill, and asked,

“May I give you one small and simple piece of advice about your business?”

“Oh, please, anything you can tell me,” the inn-keeper seemed halfway between amusement that this old traveler might be able to help him and the desperation of seeking any port in a storm.

“Will you agree to follow it?”

The inn-keeper hesitated a moment, then, remembering that he had little or nothing to lose, he agreed.

“Your sign,” said the old man, gesturing toward the door. “It is very attractive, but I want you to change it.”

“Change it? How?” The inn-keeper’s father-in-law had painted that sign and he had no wish to give insult to a family member.

“Just one small thing. I want you to leave it just as it is except that I want you to paint over that ninth star, the one at the bottom.

“But then there will be only eight stars, and this is The Nine Star Inn,” protested the baffled inn-keeper.

“You agreed to do as I said. I will be back in a few weeks. Then, if you still don’t like it, we can talk.”

The old man gathered himself up, turned, and continued on his journey.

The inn-keeper sighed, but he was a man of his word, and he went looking for a paint-brush and some paint.

 

* * * * * * * *

A month or so later the old man returned. As he approached he smiled to himself. The place was bustling. The ramshackle stable had been freshly painted, and was so full that there were horses tethered outside, tended by a stable boy. Inside there was a murmur of activity, and he found that almost every table was occupied with travelers eating their lunches, and some, it appeared, were even staying in the inn-keeper’s spartan but spotless upstairs rooms. In the kitchen helpers rushed back and forth, pots steamed, the odors were sufficiently delicious to make him hungry even if he were not already, and presiding over it all was the smiling inn-keeper.

The old man found a seat, sat down, and waited, and soon the inn-keeper greeted him.

“I see things have changed,” commented the old man.

“Yes, yes, isn’t it wonderful! And it’s because of you!” cried the inn-keeper.

The old man raised an eye-brow.

“Because of me?” he smiled. “What did I do?”

“You told me to change the sign. Now it says The Nine Stars, but there are only eight stars on it. It seems that everyone who used to just pass on by now has to come in to tell me that I’ve made a mistake on the sign. Once they come in, they see how good everything looks, they look at the menu board, and they stay to eat. And once they have eaten here, they come back. I’ve hired three helpers and will soon need another!”

“Well, well,” said the old man. “Who would have thought so many people would be so eager to tell someone they don’t even know that he had made a mistake.”

And he smiled quietly to himself as he slurped his very excellent soup.

Beware Habits that Bind

By Diana Gardner Robinson Leave a Comment

(From Coaching Tips written by Coach Diana Robinson PhD.)

So as to be able to respond swiftly to your intuition and to changes in circumstances, take care not to be bound blindly by your regular routines and habits.

One of the things a coach can often help a client to do is to become more at choice regarding habits and routines of which they are barely aware. Habits are not totally bad. They sometimes enable us to go on “automatic pilot” while doing  routine tasks, and so free the mind for more creative thought. Unfortunately they can also narrow our perceptions to a point where we forget to open them up again when the routine task is over. Many writers and philosophers have suggested that society encourages us to go through life semi-asleep. If we can wake up and be alert enough to respond to the impulses and impressions around us then life can become new again, and we improve our chances of responding positively to the unusual, which often disguises new opportunity.

I have had several situations where an impulsive break in routine behavior led to unexpected results that were very helpful to me. This led me to try to figure out what was going on, and what is the secret to being responsive to inner messages without being out-of-control impulsive.

I believe that what is important is to avoid “chaining” our behaviors. By chaining I mean always following behavior A with behavior B and then behavior C. In some of these cases, if I had stuck to my usual routine, instead of being open to spontaneous change, I would have greatly delayed progress on my current projects. When we chain our activities, not only does life become boringly predictable, but also we prevent ourselves from being open to that quiet voice, intuition, sudden impulse, or whatever you choose to call it, that may be based on some awareness of which we are not even fully conscious and which leads to our greater good.

To help clients become aware of their routines, ask them…

How much are you bound by your routines and habits?

Do you leave yourself open to spontaneous moments?

If not, why not?  What might happen if you did?

 

To help them to become more self-aware, suggest that they…

Walk down stairs with the opposite foot forward from usual.

Consciously sit in a different place from usual at the dinner table, in meetings, in restaurants.

Consciously observe and question their routines, changing them where possible just as an exercise in flexibility.

Steps Toward Spiritual Growth

By Diana Gardner Robinson Leave a Comment

There are many ways to seek spiritual growth and each of us must find the Way that is right for us. Without regard to specific religions, here are some suggestions.

1.  Make it a priority.  The material world that we see, hear, and feel is always pounding at the doorways to our senses. The spiritual world is more subtle; it takes focus to notice that it, too, sends messages through our physical senses as well as our inner awareness.

2.  Use it to manifest good, not to escape evil.  It may seem that to do one is to do the other, but there is a difference in motivation. We develop strong links to what we focus on. If we focus on escaping what is bad for us (which is one of many definitions of evil), we will maintain our ties to it. If we focus on using our spiritual growth to manifest good, then it is our ties to the good that will grow.

3.  Dump your baggage. There is a parable that says it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. One explanation is that after the gates of Jerusalem were closed at night there remained one small gate that could be opened to late travelers. For security reasons it was so narrow that it was known as the eye of the needle, and a loaded camel could not get through it. To get his camels through this gate, a merchant had to unload all the baggage from them. So must we unload our baggage, our beloved belongings, our sources of victim-hood, our hurts, our perpetrators, our righteous wrath. We must unhook ourselves and be prepared to leave them all behind.Continue Reading

Components of Practical Spirituality

By Diana Gardner Robinson Leave a Comment

 A great deal is written about spirituality in relation to recovery from addictions as though it is different from other aspects of spirituality. Addiction can take people very far from spirituality, regardless of whether the addiction is to a chemical or to gambling, the Internet, work, or any other activity. However, most of what is written about spirituality for the recovering person can be helpful to all of us. After all, who can truly say that they are not recovering from something? Here is one expert’s take on the components of spirituality – and they apply even if you prefer to call it “inner growth.”

1. Regular renewal of basic trust – the sense of belonging in the world.    

2. Sound values to support and guide relationships, and a meaningful life philosophy.    

3. Relationship with and commitment to an integrating object of devotion – a central value in one’s system of values, a “higher power, no matter how you perceive it.*  

4. Regular energizing experiences of transcendence – the experience of the *vertical dimension,* peak experiences.  

5. Reconciliation and forgiveness.  

6. Regular renewal of self-acceptance and self-esteem.  

7. Renewal of realistic hope and a sense of future possibilities – promoting the value of constructive living in the present while planning responsibility for the future.  

8. Development of the *higher self* – what religions calls the *soul.

9. Nurturing interaction with nature and other people.  

10. Participation in a community with shared spiritual values.

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